just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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