I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
