i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
