I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
