Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
