This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
