i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
