So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
