P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
