I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
