we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
