my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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