Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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