remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
