i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
