Im at strip club and am horny
You're so nebulous sometimes
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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