Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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