I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
