My Higher Power is John Stamos
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
