John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
