When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
