im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
