How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
