Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
