I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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