So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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