There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You can't just leave with hair like that
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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