What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
