My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Drunk is not a location!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
