Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
