Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
