it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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