i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize