I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
The best revenge is premature balding
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
