all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
