I feel great
I just peed on a car
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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