He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
