All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
