How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
