The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
