Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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