just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
