She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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