apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
