I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
i out mim tonsoeep
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