***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
