His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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