I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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