I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize