Can i not drive my cunt home
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
