After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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