I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
