Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
