I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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