I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
