I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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