Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
