Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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