Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
