Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
