so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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