So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
