i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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