We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
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