News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
