His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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