Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
