fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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