i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
