I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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