Plan B is the new Plan A
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
