Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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