i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
