My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
