she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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