I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
True strength comes from lack of pants
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
