3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize