It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
