I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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