Do you still have your period?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize