I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
